I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
