It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How does it feel to date your dad?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
