Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
