i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
