There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize