u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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