I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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