i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
