I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
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