just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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