guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
