Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
