It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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