after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
