You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
