throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
