Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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