I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
