STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
