my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
