Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
