Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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