I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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