dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
