Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
