I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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