why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
