We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
