O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
