My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Ladies don't puke and tell
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize