I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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