you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
