Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
