do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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