; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
