I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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