she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
