1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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