Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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