Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
