He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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