seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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