The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
