look no pants
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
