when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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