At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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