True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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