My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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