is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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