Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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