If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
