respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
