Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
