Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
