im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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