dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
