I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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