In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize