there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
