you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
