I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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