And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
