he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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