p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
