Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
