Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
