perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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