I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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